Girlfriends! and. . .

There is a lot to be said for girlfriends when you are going through the trials and tribulations forced upon you during cancer treatment.  My own cadre of good will soldiers have been there all the way--meals, games, happy cards and goofy or sweet gifts, or just being on the other end of the telephone line when I needed them.  My girlfriends?  Could not have done it without them. . .

That being said, there's also a lot to be said for "boyfriends"!  

Steve gets the five star award for being 100% THERE.  I cannot imagine passing through that tunnel with anyone else holding my hand and encouraging me every step of the way--consulting on my decisions, indulging my weaknesses, listening to my fears, comforting and feeding and never once complaining, even with a raised eyebrow.  Slept twelve hours last night and you are now just finishing a four hour nap?  "You obviously need the rest to recuperate." Basically trusting me to know my needs and limits and indulging me every step of the way.  Unbelievable and so very MINE!

Michael, my sweet boy, gentle and somewhat spooked (I think) by the whole damned thing but what's a kid to do when all of a sudden his mother is bald as a cue ball, sleeping 16 hours a day, and barely strong enough to get out of a car?  He was surely entitled to ask "Who are you and what have you done with my mother?!"  But instead he gave me long hugs, offered his hand, lent me a warm running cap, and called home from college to chat and ask me to read his papers and to tell me he loved me.  Like father, like son.

And there are more boyfriends, I am not ashamed to say!

My brother (by way of marriage) Jeff who had a similar but totally different experience ten years ago was tremendous and became my own personal support group.  Jeff is positive and upbeat and very caring.  He listened when my mood was bummed and did not try to jolly me through bad moments but always made me feel that "This is normal for where you are now" and, by his very example and without words, he stood as a symbol of returning to normal as I knew it to be.  He senses where I am in this journey and his comments about his own experience are both somehow totally un-selfcentered and perfectly timed for where I am at this moment.  He texts and calls me frequently just to say he is thinking of me, or to talk about what his family is up to, or about the weather.  Like brother, like nephew, like family.

At the risk of playing with fire, Steve's partner and his boss, are in this category of "boyfriends".  Oh my.  Mike, who we have known forever, IS the rare one who can tease me about the cue ball or the endless naps because his humor has an edge but no sharp teeth.  There's a foundation of mutual affection coming from years spent together watching his twins and Michael grow up as friends. And Steve's boss, Ray, WOW.  I met him at dinner about the time I was diagnosed, and was surprised and not a little pleased that he checked in with me from time to time to see how I was doing--by inquiries to Steve and emails to me.  Now, who says there are not great guys out there?

And there are more:  my brother Arnie with his indescribable curmudgeonly sense of irony, providing me with entertaining anecdotes about everything from politics to our family history and making me laugh at his ridiculous observations of the way the world is.  Checking in frequently from his mountaintop in New Mexico.  Ziddy, my own dear personal, extraordinary trainer for five years who totally qualifies as a "mensch" with a corny sense of humor and who is just like a brother to me.  "Mr. Wonderful", my friend's husband, who volunteered to have his head shaved with Steve and me as a show of support, and who never fails to make me laugh with HIS curmudgeonly grumbling about "stuff".  Or nephew Byron, sweet like his cousin Michael and always a favorite, "just checking in". Scotty B, making me feel like some sort of special princess when we meet him and his wife for dinner. And Max, dear ever lovin' Max, who made me laugh heartily in high school, taught me to skydive in college, helped me drown my sorrows in beer every time I was dumped by a boyfriend, and is always there to this day to laugh and chat and remember when we were young and the future was endless!

So, to my girlfriends, I could NOT have done it without you.

And to my boyfriends, I could not have done it without YOU.

And to Steve, thank you for realizing how important both my girlfriends and boyfriends have been in bringing me to this feeling of health and recovery and optimism!