Taming Medusa's Snakes

10 PM August 2, 2010.  "Linda, this is Dr. Lilly.  We got your report back and it is cancer." Direct and to the point--delivered gently.  I actually apppreciated that.  No tap dance around the facts.

Generally, when things go kablooey on me, the image of Medusa with her hair full of snakes comes to mind. Not the mythology that goes with her, just those damned snakes circulating through her head!  It is a perfect depiction of me at my most overwhelmed--thoughts, fears, questions, too much information and I can only describe it as "my head is full of snakes".  And that is how I felt for the first several days after diagnosis--too much information!!

Stages. grades, genetics, surgeries, reconstructions, radiation, anti-hormone therapy drugs, implications--well you can choose your own expletive. I had to get my head around a lot of information, quickly, and with available resources provided by my doctor and Steve's research on the net, believe me there was plenty to consider! So, this is about how we tamed the snakes. And if this can help guide or calm someone else, please share it.

In a panic, I called a friend (who had fortuitously materialized as the nurse at my biopsy).  She soothed me and coaxed me back from the edge of the precipice.The jist of Jenny's message to me was:
     Since you do not have all the information back yet,  be careful not to rush to judgment about major decisions
     Remember that this is not a medical emergency and you have time to make an informed decision.

She calmed my fears and gave me time to step back and consider: what can I do to manage all this information? Despite my willy-nilly creative side, I have an analytical mind, when needed, and I decided to revert to my business days and use a decision tree analysis to see where it led me. "If this, then what?" Wow! Did that ever help!

I started with what I knew about my cancer to date: type, stage, pathology then began the tree below: "If this, then what?"  Each step forced me to understand my options and gave me questions to ask various members of my care team.  The chart changes as additional information comes to light and as decisions are made based on that information.

This methodology also prepared me for the free second opinion clinic  at Riverside Hospital staffed by a surgeon, reconstruction surgeon, Medical Oncologist, Radiation Oncologist, pathologist, radiologist, and nurse who spent three hours with my husband and me--reviewing the reports, answering questions, making recommendations.  By the way, they were very impressed with my little tree.  Must be the landscaper in me.  :-)

I will be glad to guide you through your own decision tree if you like--it worked wonders at taming all the snakes in MY head.  Just contact me through comments and we'll talk. And, oh by the way, it was enormously helpful in explaining to my adult children and to family and friends who asked about the options available to me.   Very calming. . . to feel I had control of the information.

So, here's how mine looked.   Hopefully you can read it and hopefully it will help calm your fears.  My offer of help is totally sincere.  If you cannot read it, I can email it to you in PDF form.  Just ask.