Attitude

This little story was forwarded by my niece Suzanne, who helps me maintain my positive attitude and who accomplishes much herself with positivism. I cannot attribute the story because it came off the internet--I can only say I did not write it myself but I embrace its spirit!

Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,
And noticed she had only three hairs on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'I think I'll braid my hair today.'
So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror
And saw that she had only two hairs on her head.
'H-M-M,' she said, 'I think I'll part my hair down the middle today.'
So she did and she had a grand day.


The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
That she had only one hair on her head.
'Well,' she said, 'today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail.'
So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and
Noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
'YAY!' she exclaimed. 'I don't have to fix my hair today!'


Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary,
For everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly.


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to dance in the rain.


It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

I take it all back. . .

Okay, okay, so ya got me.  Chemo IS a bitch.  Losing hair, not so much. 

Chemo has it's own clever little way of manifesting its charm, shall we say, on each individual.  It smiled beguilingly at me at first and seduced me into complacency.  The first three weeks were a breeze except for that hair thing.  I heard about a woman who completed the Hocking Hills Peletonia while on chemo.  Why not?  I am strong and if she can do THAT, a normal "human bean" like me can certainly do, like the normal stuff, you know?  I have no ambitions about a 100 mile bike ride through the hills in late summer, but normal life?  "No prob."

Second round, humm.  Feeling more tired than usual but that is to be expected, I was told.  Those 12 hour nights still feeling good, 3 hour afternoon naps feeling a BIT self indulgent, but what the hey?  Cancelled driving to exercise class and felt  like a wimp for not toughing it out, but in all fairness, I ended up in the ER that night with a zero white blood cell count which ain't good.  So, maybe calling off the aerobics was good judgment on my part?  Nice stay with the nurses,  and then back home.

Third round--Wham Sheezam! Holly mackerel, I really didn't see that coming. In addition to the chemo treatment (which always goes smoothly without the feared physical side effects for which it is reputed), my doctor treated me to a special immunity treatment for slightly more than the cost of a thousand margaritas at happy hour.  "Expect a little achy-ness", they said.  "Tylenol, if you need it." So, again, "no prob", and I won't have to re-visit those 14 doctors in the ER again.  Cost effective prevention, I thought.

Well, my posture was very good for the next four days!  Virtual traction, trapped in my own body, and as straight as though I was strapped to a native American traverse device.  Imagine Arte Johnson on "Laugh In" shuffling along with  his trench coat and cane--

 or riding his trycicle and slowly, so   s l o w l y ,   toppling  over sideways--muttering the entire time.  Or a cardboard cutout of me hovering rigid over a chair to watch a movie.  Put little round soles on the bottom of my shoes, stand me up, have yer fun wiith me tapping my forehead and and watching me go BOING!  BOING!  BOING! back and forth at your touch.  Yep, that was me, folks, and some of the muttering was "not for prime time"!  Well, actuallly most of it. . .

But, darn it, you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone, and flexibility is HIGHLY underrated.  Try sitting without bending your knees.  Try drinking coffee without bending your elbows. Try putting on shoes without bending your waist or your fingers.  Thank goodness straws do bend!  So, take a moment and kvell in those lovely joints:  knees, fingers, elbows, and waist.  Try 'em, use 'em, enjoy 'em.  Appreciate them.   I am bending  once again, and it feels soooooooo good.

This little adventure with chemo is a lesson in appreciation. I was a "straight up" cowgirl for four days, doncha know it. I would have willingly taken the Tylenol for the price of drinking the thousand margaritas if they had told me then what I know now.  I wonder how riding 100 miles on a bike without bending your knees would actually work . . .humm, not so much.

Well, I'd rather concentrate on Margaritaville.  Bottoms up!  Look at that lovely elbow bend!

The world would be a better place . . .

After my adventures in the ER circus, I was put in solitary confinement  for four days while my white blood cells recovered.  Private room with a ominous black ulltraviolet germicidal canister air filter and the door closed at all times.  I was occasionally let out to walk the yard (hall) with a trustee (nurse), and I haunted the halls that Halloween weekend like a spectre in my long white hooded robe and white surgical mask.  Bored, I approached two orderlies with hand extended.   The treat was the shocked expression on their faces when I said "trick or treat" and demanded they hand over candy.  I am entertained by the stupidest things, I swear!

Steve visited daily and the only other person able to storm the Bastille was my steadfast and incorrigable friend, Shelby. We stared at  each other over surgical masks and it felt a little like Mad Magazine's spy vs. spy!  But, because isolated as I was, the nurses and aides took pity on me and came to chat.  (I later began to suspect my room was a nice safe hidey hole for a few minutes respite from their other duties.)

And this brings me to the point of my discussion.  The chats were reveletory.  Matthew--tall, slender, articlate, and elegant aide of African American descent, is raising two young boys, apparently on his own.  He spoke to me about how much he believes in the "Power of the Tongue" when raising children.  I had not heard the phrase before, but I immediately knew what he meant.  He was very passionate about the powerful effect of words on children--the impact of mean words, disapproving words;  and the importance of kind and instructive ones.

Rachel, 23 with impossibly unruly curls and darling freckles, is concerned with raising her 15 month old.  She was raised in a rigid religious home where everything was done on schedule, by the  book, with only time for work and study.  She was not allowed to play with other children!  After  three years at college doing what she had always done (adhere to the rules and the schedule) and working three jobs, she decided to break a rule and have some fun.  Her famly disowned her and would not speak to her for 2  1/2 years. She wants her son to "Know God" but not her parents' version, and said she could see all the havoc wreaked on the world in the name of religion--if your family tuns their back on you because of religion, what hope is there for what they will do to strangers?

Cleo, who had been to South Africa to do good works, commented on the overwhelming feeling of tension, threat. mistrust, and anger that pervades the areas outside the groomed colonial remnants of Cape Town, and are especially palpable in Johannesburg.  She was able to spend time with Moher Theresa's order Siisters of Mercy and was greatly affected by thier humanity. She would like to return and help again with women's health care and especially HIV education, to counteract the shaman's' influence on Aids which is having devestating effects on women, girls and infants.

There were more stories, but this small sampling made me think our world would be a better place for children (and everyone, in the long run) if it were run by the values of oncology nurses: kindness in words to others, acceptance, education, peace, respect for those smaller, weaker, sicker or needier.

But then, if they left to heal the world, who would I have to talk to?  Ah, of course, my husband and that other spy !

Wrap it Up!

My friend Jean Martin gave me permission to print her scarf tricks--basically insurance against the "Jemima effect".  These variations dress up the head with twists and turns.  She recommends soft cotton scarves (light to medium weight)  or scarves that won't slip.  She likes this source:  www.anokhiusa.com/  because the prints are beautiful and not expensive. Of course, any scarf you love is great.  I recommend adding a cap liner for volume availlable at tlc Direct www.tlcdirect.org/ .  Happy Wrapping!

How Low Can You Go?

Nadir:  the lowest point of anything.  (My kids LOVE my habit of pulling out the dusty old dictionary whenever . . . well, whenever!).  So, live it, know it.  I hit the nadir of white blood cell count and had what Steve refers to as a "Chemo Crash", not unlike going into freefall off the Empire State Building. Ended up at the emergency room at 2 AM and was invited to stay for a while at their attached facility=hospital.

In the ER:  Admissions nurse, Physician's assistant, RN, admissions clerk, doctor, doctor, doctor, (at three AM the golf course is too dark to play) doctor, doctor (I am not kidding you), phlebotomist, new RN, doctor: all asking me the very same questions that the previous one had asked.  Don't they chart this stuff?  After a while, I found myself humming "Send in the Clowns".  At person number 12, I have to admit I got a little cheeky and accused them of being as bad as the cops, trying to see if my story stood up under cross examination.  That was the last doctor to visit me in the ER.  Three hours of interrogation, the inevitable poking and prodding and scanning, and only a mere six hours of waiting on one of those comfy gurneys for a room to become available.  Cha ching cha ching cha ching.   Gave me time to think . . .

For the cost of the ER visit alone and not even for the subsequent stay at the Riverside "Recreation Center and Spa", just the ER portion, what COULD I have spent my money on?  I mean, other than feeding a small starving nation or two?

Well, girlfriends, I'd charter  jets to pick you up for a couple of girls' days out in NYC. I'd send the planes for my sisters in Alaska and Montana, my bosom buddy in Salt Lake, my daughter and any of her Hollywood friends plus Jean in California, to Texas for the Texas Tiles and my sisters and Luann (Hidee, y'all), Little Rock, Atlanta, Orlando , all my bestest Ohio friends and mahjaholics; limos from New Jersey for Vicki and Boston for Jenn, about 30 let's say.

We'd stay ay the Ritz and start the new day with breakfast of choice followed by

1. Phyto Universe spa in New York with full treatment:  mani, pedi, massage, hair (or scalp in my case), facial, and mimosas
2. Have a group portrait made by Annie Leibowitz (individual portraits optional)
3. Limousine to Tiffany's for a gift for each guest (her choice)
4. Lunch at SHO for Asian Fusion 
5. Broadway Matinee
6. Diner at Le Bernadin
7. Stopover at Chippendale's (just for a peek)
8. Return to the Ritz for luxurious sleep 
9. Spend the second day "at will" sightseeing, playing mahj, shopping (Sure, what the heck it's on me).

But, if I ever saw that much money, and I mean the ER charges alone, I would, in good conscience have to feed those starving nations.  Sorry, Girlfriends.  Oops. Darn it.  So sorry.  Got your hopes up, then dropped them off the Empire State Building.

Now THAT's what a nadir feels like.

Aunt Jemima's Pancake House and Tapas Bar

Apologies to all handkerchief wearers, but when I tie one around my head,  I just get a hankerin' to flap jacks.  So, you might appreciate the disconnet when I greeted my friends at the door (chemo head tied in a bandana) the evening they came to enjoy Spanish hors d'oeuvers known as "tapas"  Here are some tapas recipes to try

Truth be known, in our house, we only serve one flavor of flap jacks:  Chocolate chip.. 

(Mostly) Healthy Tapas and Small Bites

A tapas table usuallly includes a small plate each of

• Spanish ham (jamon),
• manchego cheese, and
• green manzanilla olives
• plus a crusty bread with olive oil for dipping

Colorful Pinwheels

     Sliced lean turkey

     Sliced swiss cheese

     Fresh guacamole

Place one slice of swiss cheese on a slice of turkey, spread fresh guacamole over cheese, roll up and slice into one-two inch sections for a healthy and colorful pinwheel. 

Spinach and chicken ciabbata

     Slice a ciabatta roll in half lengthwise, drizzle very lightly with olive oil

     Cut fresh spinach and fresh basil leaves into small pieces, toss  together and pile high on ciabatta

     Add a slice of roasted turkey or chicken breast (not deli, but the real thing)

     Top with a sprinkling of white cheddar, gruyere, or mozarella

     Broil until cheese is just warmed

     Slice into finger-food bite sizes.

     Serve with fresh sliced apples or pears

A selection of open faced melted cheese sandwiches from Martha Stewart Living

     Use a single thin slice of whole grain bread and thin sliced high quality/high flavor cheese to get the most impact for fewer calories than a normal grilled cheese. 

     Broil the sandwich lightly to melt the cheese.

     Slice into finger-food bite sizes

1. Rye bread, thin sliced apples, fresh or ground sage, Gruyere cheese
2. Rye bread, sliced red or sweet onion, prosciutto, Gruyere cheese and fresh ground black pepper
3. Rye bread, spicy chutney, sliced pear, and fontina cheese
4. Sourdough, Dijon mustard, sliced tomatoes, avocado and fresh ground black pepper (add one slice of crumbled cooked bacon if desired)
5. Whole grain white bread, cherry preserves, sharp white cheddar and fresh basil
6. Rye bread, water packed tuna, pickle relish, fontina cheese

Herb Roasted Potatoes

     Scrub Yukon Gold Potatoes until clean.  Cut into large bite size pieces.

     Arrange on cookie sheet, in one layer.

     Spray lightly with olive oil cooking spray.

     Sprinkle with fresh herbs:  rosemary, thyme, crushed garlic or a mixture of dried ehrbs of choice

     Bake until just soft enough to pick up with a fork, but still crunchy

Gambas al ajillo (Prawns in Garlic)

     Whole uncooked prawns, washed and peeled

      Olive oil

     5 crushed garlic cloves

     4 small pieces of red chilli pepper

Pour 12 tablespoons of oil into a ftying pan with chopped garlic and red pepper until garlic is soft, not browned.  Add prawns and cook, stirring until the prawns  turn pink.  Serve very hot.

Maria and Terry's Irresistable Margarita Cake

    

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Ingredients:

     Margarita mix from Williams & Sonoma

     Yellow Cake mix (I used Betty Crocker’s Super Moist)

     Mix cake following package directions. Substitute the margarita mix for the water.                     

     Bake as directed. Cool.  Frost with icing.

Icing:

     1 cup powdered sugar

     ½ teaspoon vanilla

     1 tablespoon butter, softened

     3-4 tablespoons lemon juice

     ½ teaspoon grated lemon rind

Combine powdered sugar, vanilla, butter, lemon juice, and lemon rind until mixture has consistency of a glaze. Spread over cake.

Garnish with fresh lime slice twist.

:

Good eating!

Love, Jemima

E.T., Phone Home!

I will admit I am THE WORST when it comes to knowing what small touches are meaningful when someone else needs comfort during difficult times.  I find myself tied up in knots--Should I do this, should I do that?  Will I disturb them if I call?  Will I catch them at a bad time? What would they like me to do for them?  Do they want to talk about their situation or do they not want to talk about it?   Is there a mitsvah I can do?  Having prided myself on being strong all these years, I have developed a serious Achilles heel of a social order: empathetic inertia.

But in talking to friends about this, I fnd I am not alone.  There's my friend in the medical field who deals with cancer patients daily and feels stymmied when it effects personal friends, or a girlfriend who emphaticallly declared her own discomfort, or the someone who comes to visit and does not feel comfortable asking "How's it going?".  Maybe you are as uncomfortable as me with navigating this particular universe?

So, what have I learned from the other side? Being on the receiving end?  Normalcy is real important.  On any given day a chemo patient may be exhausted, ill, sad, OR full of energy and feeling strong.  These are things I have found immensely precious and I offer them, not as advice on interacting with me, but as general guidance and ideas for YOUR comfort when a friend is in need.

First and foremost, do not ever visit a chemo patient if you have ANY symptoms of infection or viruses.  Err on the conservative side.  Think it is only a little allergy?  Postpone the visit and choose another nice thing to do. . .

• make a simple phone call to talk about what's positive or fun in your life:  Kathryn just passed the bar exam!  The neighbors sold their house!  Pamela has a new puppy and Vickitoria got a kitten! Make 'em laugh.  Tell funny stories about the kids or the dog or whatever.
• send funny cards, encouraging cards
• offer to run an errand:  the post office, dry cleaners, grocery or department store when you are going anyway yourself
• text message in the middle of the day
• deliver fresh picked apples ot tomatoes or zucchini
• send chemo-posts with recipes for eating well, having fun, indulging oneself on chemo days
• take your friend for a walk if they are up to it
• bring chocolates
• offer to play their favorite game or do a puzzle together 
• bring a book or movie that makes you laugh
• bring music
• bring freshly cooked healthy foods
• sit quetly and read or talk
• offer to:
• mow their lawn or weed the beds
• experiment with  make up application or scarf tying, if that is your talent
• wash their car
• sweep the walk or the kitchen floor
• water their plants
• walk the dog
• stay overnight if they are alone
• drive them to the doc or chemo or wherever they need to be
• let them do something for YOU if they want to

It's very tempting to rely on email and to support from afar.  I love getting emails.  But there is nothing quite like the human touch, the human voice, the face to face with a friend.  I'd love to have your comment(s) on things not on my list that you like to do for others, or things people have done for you that you liked.

So, even if you can't be there, 

E. T., Please Phone Home!